Any decent side-scrolling beat ‘em up needs three protagonists as a minimum, with one knucklehead powerhouse (Haggar), a weak yet swift combo animal (Guy), and an all-rounder somewhere in between (Cody). Yes, those are all Final Fight characters and are the benchmark, but does it have as many unlockables as Maiden Cops? And just how good would Haggar look in a thong? I know which game I’d go for.
We join our hero cops when Maiden City is under threat from an organisation known as The Liberators. Instead of patrolling the area and arresting perps for petty crimes, they head out on the sidewalks to bust some jaws and throw a bit of banter at one another until they reach the leader of the organisation and give them a good seeing to.
As per the intro, we have three staple characters. Priscilla Salamander (Cody), Meiga Holstaur (Haggar), and Nina Usagi (Guy, and interestingly, the leader, not Priscilla). The trio each have an animal connection, or simply go hard on cosplay, and naturally have their literal strengths, such as Meiga being the only one who can pull logs and sheets of metal to hit people with.
Maiden Cops’ setup is the same as any other, and the story won’t win any awards, nor will the controls; however, it’s faithful to the genre and hits all the right notes. Admittedly, I started on Easy to see as much as I could see for the review and found it to be ok, but quite slow. Switching to the Arcade mode and a higher difficulty is encouraged, not only to replicate the feel of games from yesteryear, but to earn credits that can unlock character profiles, outfits, and… cheats!
Coming back to those controls, there’s an attack button, jump, and block. On the PS5, the L1 and R1 perform special moves, as does the triangle, provided you have accumulated the energy to do so. In addition to that, you can dash with a double-tap to the left or right, or up and down to dodge. The latter wasn’t as natural and seldom used it.
Of course, there are weapons that can be used to hit enemies and throw, too. Additional drops award points and can be anything from food and drink to panties. Well, y’know – it’s one of those games. Picking crisp panties off the street is quite common, no? Besides the standard attacks, walking up to a character will do a Double Dragon grapple, where you can hit or throw enemies.
Again, Maiden Cops is utterly faithful to the genre and meets all expectations, as there are even the signature elevators where you have to defeat waves of enemies, and a bizarre motorbike level, which is totally redundant other than looking cool. Touching on the panties (ooer!), some of the content was cringe. The dialogue was dodgy to start with, but after a few levels, I got used to it and it added to the fun.
The target audience is obvious. As much as I’d like to co-op with my little girl and make her feel empowered by the strong female protagonists, the continue scenes were questionable, often with the cop’s leg spread in an ahegao pose, panties they’d picked up off the street in full view. Not appropriate for her, but it might be a joy for hairy-palmed gamers. Those bits aside, the visuals are ace, and the animation, too.
One makes Maiden Cops stand out from the crowd, besides the funbags, are the extras. Again, the Arcade mode is the way to go, and I’m really pleased that unlocking the trophies is more involved, such as beating a large number of enemies with or without weapons, winning on hard mode, and, of course, the decent selection of outfits and fun cheats. Best of all? Maiden Cops has scanlines and bloom, so it already had me at hello. An excellent addition to your collection that’ll hold its own against Streets of Rage and 99 Vidas.
