There were no double-takes involved in requesting the chance to cover Street Soccer on the Nintendo Switch 2. Sure, they’ve effed up the name of the sport as it’s actually called football, though I knew what I was in for (or at least thought that way) when I saw the thumbnail without looking at screenshots or trailers. Cautionary tale #832: don’t be so hasty.
Imagine how chuffed I was to be playing a footy game on the Switch 2 – not the ancient one, the other one that collects dust by my TV. With the exception of Planet of Lana 2, or maybe even Moto Rush Reborn, it wasn’t getting any action, and I couldn’t wait to play my first football game. After a brief download period, I was good to go.
What immediately greeted me was a title screen with a large accreditation to the godawful ‘celebratory’ football theme, fresh from Pixabay. Fine, I don’t play the menus, so it’ll pass (heh). Two options exist: a quick game and a knockout cup. Heading (heh) for the former, there was a choice of ten anonymous teams. After picking the team, you can customise their appearance, which was a nice touch (heh), as were the options for changing the appearance of the ball and pitch, and the length of time you wish to play.
It’s time for kickoff, but the Joy-Cons and buttons I was just using to make my selections were not working. Funny, they’re fully charged… why is there an overlay of the controls on the screen as if I were playing the game on a tablet or phone? No… am I supposed to play Street Soccer with the touchscreen?! Why is the music still playing?! Incredibly frustrated, I couldn’t find any options for the controls from the touch menu besides camera angles, so I paused the game and exited to the menu to go read that accreditation again.
With the music off, I was in a better mood and jumped straight into another quick match to make sure it was working. Absolute silence. With the music off, there are zero sound effects: no sounds of the ball being kicked, no whistles, no chanting that the referee’s a wanker. Unbelievable. At this point, I wasn’t prepared to play a touchscreen mobile game on my Nintendo Switch 2, knowing full well the controllers were configured.
I left it to settle, then came back to it in case it was a glitch, I was being stupid, or the moon was aligned with Uranus, and for some reason made the game notably awkward. No, it all exists still. It’s essentially a mobile game ported over to the Switch 2 and is not fun at all. The players move ok, though with the nature of touchscreen and greasy digits, just incredibly unreliable and ultimately fruitless. It’s rare that I do this in my reviews, and I’m not going to lie or misdirect to suit publishers and PR, but Street Soccer on the Nintendo Switch 2 is, without a doubt, a pass.
