Jerry Wanker And The Quest To Get Laid: Is It More Than A Five Knuckle Shuffle?

We've all been then, maybe still on it, but this is Jerry's story. Jerry Wanker and the Quest To Get Laid review.

The kids have it easy today, especially Jerry Wanker and the Quest to Get Laid. Old Uncle Laffer has spent decades trying to get his end away, and despite his best intentions, what with him being an absolute gent and all, there’s zero chance of him getting his dick wet.

As for Jerry, what a wanker. Alright, he alludes to having cracked one off in the bush here and there, but this guy doesn’t have trouble with hairy palms as he has a hottie living on his doorstep and is eager to go. Well, if that wasn’t for Bobby and Cliff hanging about ready to give a beating. Not that type of beating.

So, before you quote clickbait, Jerry Wanker and the Quest to Get Laid is what it says it is: help Jerry hook up with his neighbour and get his end away. The trouble is, like real life, it isn’t as easy as that. But rather than woo the fair sex with compliments and proving that you’re a stand-up guy, you’re instead going to work your way through some tricky puzzles and sabotage.

Jerry Wanker and the Quest to Get Laid Review - A grave situation
A grave situation. Source: Screen capture

Jerry Wanker And The Quest To Get Laid Review

Our story begins with Jezza chatting with a poster on this door. It tells him to build a telescope and peek at his thong-wearing neighbour, Olivia, through the comfort of his curtains. Damn! Her dick boyfriend, Bobby, is there. Never fear – knock on the door.

Alice shouts out the window and encourages Jerry to attend their imminent house party, but doorman Cliff won’t let him in. Cue a drawn-out process to get past him, enter the house, and a few other entry points. To get into the house isn’t as expected, and a few pop cultural references, including Larry Laffer, will pop up quite a bit in Jerry Wanker and the Quest to Get Laid.

Before we can get into gameplay, let us comment on how brilliant the illustrations are. You might recognise the style from Metropolis Lux ObscuraPerky Little Things (which I own but haven’t reviewed), and working with VanillaBeast. I love Oleg Okunev’s work, and if you’re a particular demographic, you will, too. And before you think I’m dragging this out, yes, you do see quite a few money shots. As I said, the youth have it easy.

Jerry Wanker and the Quest to Get Laid Review - Got a floppy
Got a floppy. Source: Screen capture

Click Here In A Small Circular Motion

While we’re comparing Jerry Wanker and the Quest to Get Laid to other point and clicks – notably Leisure Suit Larry, it’s only through references and genre: this wasn’t the game I was expecting. Content, yes, but when it comes to gameplay, it was disappointing for several reasons – for starters, Jerry is far luckier than Larry, and I have a soft spot for the latter.

The inventory system is cumbersome. You can’t combine items unless in Jezza’s room and using a bench, and even then, there’s only a handful of obscure options. Running back and forth to his room to do this or upload floppy (heh) disks to his computer to view erotic art is annoying when there’s no fast travel or double-click sprinting.

Even worse is the hint system. Not the hotspot feature available throughout, but when you try to use an item, he’ll say, “I can’t do this”. There’s no extra dialogue, clues, or objectives, nor is there any common sense for the puzzles in the game. I ran around constantly trying and clicking EVERYTHING until I could finish it, and that wasn’t a fun experience other than admiring the visuals.

Jerry Wanker and the Quest to Get Laid Review - Bedroom scene
Bedroom scene. Source: Screen capture

The Money Shot

Unlike Larry, Jerry Wanker and the Quest to Get Laid doesn’t hint at sexual scenarios: they happen, such as one NPC getting their hand stuck in a rubber vagina or a priest banging a nun in restraints, while a widow gets shafted in a cemetery under a lampost. It’s very graphic, and sometimes less is more. 

There’s the option to find floppy disks to see some of that art from the other games, and surprisingly, these were easier to find than working out a lot of the puzzles. A walkthrough will follow after this, as I expect people will get stuck and want to see the climax at the end. Fnar, fnar.

If Jerry Wanker and the Quest to Get Laid didn’t have the same high calibre of art and were a pixel art, or generic asset library, it would lose all its appeal, in my opinion. I bought this on the release date as I enjoyed the demo but assumed there would be a few changes with the full… release. There’s no voice acting, dialogue is at a minimum, and again, you may find the challenges in the game infuriating. There is a happy ending, though. Well, quite a few.