Erm, yeah – Concubine is alright, and much better than all the other boob-led third-person action adventures. I’m about the T&A as much as the next game, and this game from Upgrade Entertainment does not disappoint if you want unrealistic Team Ninja tit physics, and each time a conversation ends, a fund bag bounces. But it’s not that kind of game, honest!
Alright, so the flesh element will most likely lure you to this title like She Will Punish Them, and if that’s what you’re after, then maybe this will deliver. After having a moan about another boobalicious third-person romp, I was a little grumpy about devoting my time to a game I didn’t enjoy whatsoever, and despite opting to review this game, there was a slight feeling that this might be the same.
Thankfully, Concubine is actually alright. There’s a slight element of Assassin’s Creed to it, what with the aesthetic and the overall feel of play. That said, there’s no scope for stealth play, and you won’t need it. Without a difficulty mode and playing in epic, it seemed a good idea to lower the setting while I ran my gaming laptop off a mediocre HDMI cable.
A decent customisation menu starts the journey with better-than-triple-A options for hair, makeup, and the appearance of lips. Read into that appropriately. Aside from the dead-eyed avatar that was in front of me, the graphics are very good and the character modelling decent, though the motion blue effect was immediately pissing me off, though it wasn’t on. Dropping the settings down to high seemed appropriate, then once I was in an enormous palace, I was off.
Concubine is a straight-to-video premise where you’re essentially a bodyguard/assassin for the Sultan. After a quick introduction to the weaponsmith, armourer, and alchemist, you have a world map to dip into at your pleasure. In fear of biting off more than I could chew, I aptly chose the lowest level mission, and it was ridiculous. No, not Souls-like brutality, but if you equip a bow, you can essentially play one-handed with the other hand on your… keyboard. Y’know – you complete the review.
Melee combat was pure button-mashing, but I was taking damage. Switched to ranged attack, holding a charged release would indicate ‘back damage’ despite them facing me, then I could simply pick off enemies one at a time when four or more were charging at me. Those in fear of AI taking over should just play Concubine and put their mind at ease, as they chumps will stand still and take numerous hits. That’s the bosses of the stages. Keep your distance, and you can pick them off without any engagement.
After completing a handful of missions in quick succession and accumulating a really good selection of weapons and armour, I’d managed to get it and was finding myself pretty OP, yet still enjoying the experience. Then the fatal crash came, then another, and one more. I have a ton of patience, but this proved annoying despite the lure of the boobies. With a bit more tweaking (heh heh), Concubine is waaaaay better than its contemporaries despite the difficulty questions and crashes. These may be isolated, but my overall impressions were positive.
Decent visuals, a freeform camera that lets your hero drop to their knees for a sultry pose, or even having a dedicated seduce button to snake charm with some non-lying hips, Concubine is a good alternative to downloading a VPN to access some moving pictures. These ones are interactive, and do you know what, the gameplay’s actually alright. Give it a bit more thought than that judgmental raise of the eyebrow you like to pull.
