Whoever doesn’t read this Sacre Bleu review with a mock French accent should be shamed. How will we keep stereotypes going if we can’t say things like “Haw-hee-haw” and speak like a cliche? Noodlecake is flying the flag, as that’s definitely not a Frenchman doing the main voiceover. Or is it? They are Canadians.
We didn’t get off to a good start with the review as it can’t be played on the Steam Deck at the time of writing [I went back a few days after writing that statement, and it worked, but the game periodically crashes at any dialogue spot]. Considering the control scheme, it’s a catastrophe that can’t be played on the handheld. Switching to a laptop without a controller wasn’t fun, though the game did enough to make me dust off the spare DualSense.
Sacre Bleu wasn’t fun on a laptop (no mouse at the time, so it was exclusively on the trackpad), so it was the control system. You’ll move around like any hero, though armed with a steampunk blunderbuss, you can be propelled into the air, and attack enemies with a sword or gun using the mouse wheel, and that means a lot of precision as the jumps are somewhat limited, as is the ammo. Using a mouse sounds like the way to go, but a controller felt best suited.
Sacre Bleu Review (PC)
Sacre Bleu has a hint of Katana Zero and Jump King to it. At its heart, it’s a 2D platformer with a lot of strategic precision planning – not just timed jumps and landing aftertouch, but the angle of propulsion, calculating where you’ll fall, and ensuring you have enough ‘juice’ to reach the next platform, all the while keeping an eye on the clock. Sacre Bleu is a speedrunner’s crème brûlée. Y’know – dessert – the good stuff. That was weak.
Anyhoo, the game is for the elite. From a casual gamer’s perspective, the game is enjoyable with its fast-paced mechanics and easy-to-understand controls. Yet, the real treat is for those who want to set times, as the game doesn’t have much to offer if you’re going to put your feet up, follow the story and learn all about the characters and what biscuit they dip in their tea. This ain’t Dumas.
Your hero is a falsely imprisoned musketeer who aims to escape using this steampunk-like blunderbuss. The interactions with a mad professor type named Josephine, who eggs you on, are serviceable, but these dialogue bits and the initial intro movie needed a lot more polish. Again, this game isn’t tailored for the masses, despite being very accessible (just not on the Steam Deck). Most people playing Sacre Blue will have restless fingers, shaving every second for marginal gains.
Keep This Thing Moving
This Sacre Bleu review is understandably fragmented as I dipped into writing it on and off whilst attempting to play it. Not invested in the laptop version of the game, it would intermittently work on the Steam Deck, be a relatively enjoyable experience, and then crash again. During this time, I could progress further every couple of days, though, by this point, I’d become quite disinterested.
Besides the technical issues, Sacre Bleu is quite challenging, and when you put in the effort to complete a decent run only for it to end prematurely, it is frustrating. Additionally, while entertaining, the combat is a little too much – like random encounters in a JRPG or Hawaiian beaches. I just want to concentrate on my jumping skills and waxing my moustache.
I didn’t get to finish the game in the end and think that if it were a little more stable at the time of reviewing, there might have been the incentive to stick with it, but now it’s out in the wild and the (favourable) reviews are coming in, thought it might be time to cash in and give my view. If you’re a speedrunner fan, this is definitely for you, but based on my experiences, I can’t recommend Sacre Bleu if you’re playing exclusively on the Steam Deck.
