Murders & Mistresses Review – Sherlock Homes-Wrecker

Murders & Mistresses is one of those games that’ll have me staring at a blank screen and twiddling my thumbs, not my flies. There’s a lot to say; equally, there’s very little at the same time. Are we starting this review from the perspective of a Buddhist monk, running hot then cold? Damn right we are.

UndergradSteve – heard of them? You may have from a previous review of College Kings 2. College Kings is an adult visual novel, not for its maturity, but for its graphic bedroom scenes. Well, you don’t need a bedroom to wield a pork sword, but you get what I meant. I think. People have sex, and you see their bits.

Visual novels are typically static with the odd gesture and hand movement (not being rude), and Murders & Mistresses follows that approach, though it makes the sex scenes animated to keep the momentum going of your, erm, whatever it is you’re doing with your non-mouse hand.

I am not averse to sexual content as I’ve mentioned before, though very acutely aware how cringe these things can be whilst witnessing them. Murders & Mistresses attempts to use some smoke and mirrors to say that this is a detective experience with a strong narrative thread, but we all know you’re here for the clunge.

Plasticky People, Poser Problems

Will the explicit content be your thing? If you’re seeking video games for thrills, then perhaps. However, I found it to be a mixture of Barbie meets Poser (an old 3D design package). The models in the game are really very good (apart from your character – he’s an absolute cun- character. He’s a character).

When they bone, it’s very plasticky, and any of you with real-life experience will wonder if the artists have any of their own. The gentlemen’s relish in particular looks like solidified silicone, and you could get more realistic effects from a bottle off of Temu.

But hold on: you’re here because you actually want to play Murders & Mistresses and not because you’re blocked from those sites you visit? This might surprise you, but the detective element is actually rather good. The character you play (name them yourself) is an ex-conman, now a police consultant.

Honestly, he’s an absolute twat even though you are him in the game, and how he managed to get this gig is utter lunacy. He understands people through the con game, so applying those skills gives him a heightened awareness of whether people are lying or not. Crucial with homicide suspects.

The Deduction Bit Is Actually Brilliant

He has the same freedom as the police and can inspect each location for clues and cross-examine the suspects and gauge if they are telling the truth or not. Locating the clues is easy enough, but it’s the deduction side of things that makes this a real standout.

Clicking through each clue, you can link them up to determine a motive, perpetrator, location and whatnot, then head back to the suspect to interrogate them and potentially book them. Actions have consequences, and if you send an innocent to jail, it affects the whole story. This is actually a really good mechanic.

If you aren’t keen on taking those risks in Murders & Mistresses, you can change the settings at any time to give you a buffer should you make a mistake, and like Five Hearts Under One Roof, you can revisit a timeline and replay to get all the potential narrative paths.

The reason why you’re probably reading this review is because of the shagging, so they have to fit this in somewhere to make sense to the story. Your character will win Shagger of the Year 2026 hands down. He’s an absolute arse that will stick his dick in anything. You do have a choice on who you do, of course, but I doubt you came here to be monogamous to your in-game wife.

Shagger of the Year Runs in the Family

In fact, you have a very key choice early on when you speak to your trophy wife about having an open/semi-open relationship. You can cater it so that you can sleep around but she can’t, or that you both can, or be pure, but sleep with anyone behind her back – just don’t let her find out. Interestingly, this option comes up after some flirtatious scenes with other women.

Morals? Not really. It’s pretty disgusting from that perspective and I’d rather not have started with a chap who’s married to a woman who loves him. She is completely wooden, mind, and simply there for his pleasures. Despite all the orange box preaching on morals, I still messed around as that’s the point of the game. You do this between investigations. Don’t worry: I told my wife and she gets to choose who we bang.

Yeah, you can guess the quality here. It’s no surprise to say that the dialogue in this game is abysmal in places, the scenes ludicrous, and I really can’t think of a time where I’ve hated a character I’ve played so much. He’s the worst of the worst, but the detective elements really are very good. I mean, deeper than you think.

And if you want deep from another perspective, then Murders & Mistresses also goes balls-in (or out) with the sex stuff. Just know that you’ll be clicking through dialogue and having to complete the core chapters hunting a suspected serial killer. I mean, that’s the premise of the game, right?