So, Car Wash Simulator is a bad parent. Well, if it were a parent, it would be one. Giving bad advice, setting poor standards, just sub-human scum. Why do you ask? Well, this new first-person simulator from Majestic Twelve is irresponsible throughout and should not be followed under any circumstances. Granted, it’s Early Access, but let’s look under the hood.
To begin with, you’ve inherited a car wash lot as the previous owner disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Your AI pin-up pal Monica congratulates you on your new business venture through a text message (why do they never show up in person? Some support, friend!), and then claims the previous owner is in some tropical destination. In short, the area is a shithole and could do with its own deep clean.
You’ll have to learn the ropes, as car washing is complex. The first step is grabbing a bucket and cleaning out a customer’s car. This was not what I was expecting in Car Wash Simulator, but we have to start somewhere. After completing ‘the job’, I put the bucket down and get ready to wash it, but instead, I’m told the job is done, and I got paid for it. Ok… I’ll take your money; now off you pop.
But no, this is the bad parent thing where you do something reckless in business. You’ve just cleaned out the customer’s car, and in addition to being financially rewarded, they let you take the car for a spin in the car park. Ok… what’s that about?! Get this: you earn reputation for drifting into shopping carts. So, you clean up a car, even go through the hassle of some minor detailing, then once you’re done, get it filthy, and potentially needing bodywork. Maybe that’s the next venture – Car Panel Beating Simulator?
Anyway, it’s ludicrous. The drifting is rubbish, too. It’s not pretending to be JDM, but it’s weird nonetheless. Between jobs, you can connect to your computer, conveniently set up by a pressure washer that blasts water, and order in new equipment, products and expansions. While your order is on its way, you’re given the choice of cleaning up your yard by placing the trash in the dumpster or throwing it outside the gate. Unable to do the former, I threw everything outside. Over the walls were out of sight, but throwing over a gate to then see it lying on your driveway seemed redundant. Yet, that’s how we manage rubbish.
The meat and potatoes of Car Wash Simulator is the car washing element. This is sporadically enjoyable as it has that same calming feeling of PowerWash Simulator, but stutters frequently and is overly forgiving of your work. About 85% of the way through foaming a car, it then told me to rinse it. But it’s still dirty! I finished what I needed to do, as that’s the point of cleaning, though through each stage it would rush me through it, then I’d get a text from someone with an avatar that was inconsistent with the next- pin-ups, stock images… very off.
Besides the core part of gameplay, which is washing cars for money, you can also shoot off a pistol with your pal to earn some cash. Naturally. All of these minigames felt like filler and irrelevant to gameplay. I would happily spend the duration washing cars – an assumption fair for a game called Car Wash Simulator. Alas, the core gameplay has some issues addressing with the controls and registering actions. I had to exit numerous times as I was being told I hadn’t completed a task when I clearly had, and there were at least two crashes (technical, not shopping carts) during the drifting session and again, had to exit.
Arguably the most important line of this write-up: it’s in Early Access, so things can/should be fixed. However, consider taking out the drifting sections and mini-games, or at least making them less prominent so we can get stuff cleaned.
