Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire Review – No Blood, Just Broccoli

I love vampires as much as the next bloodsucker, but I didn’t expect to like Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire as much as I did. For starters, he’s a vegan. Ewwww! Sun and sausage dodger! In all seriousness, folks, don’t knock vegan cheese until you’ve tried it.

From the title alone, and seeing it as a PS5 title published by JanduSoft, my motivation for covering this was to play it with my little girl. I’d anticipated that the vegan in the title would make them soft and that it would be child-friendly – which it is.

Like most games these days, Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire isn’t just one genre, but a mixture of a rogue-lite and simple tower defence through crafting and farming. From the visuals alone, it reminded me of Don’t Starve – which it is similar to.

A Vampire’s Kale

You play as the titular vegan, the youngest child of Dr. Acula, who refuses to continue the family tradition and study medicine. Correction: that’s Dracula – the vampire fella, but it’s the same premise as Voltaire isn’t interested in blood and guts; he wants an avocado.

The visuals are all very pleasant, and, as expected, safe. Voltaire opts for the #plantlife and shows his dad this isn’t a phase by living out the dream of planting crops and discovering new plants.

With the help of uncles Frank and Stein, they usher you through an occasionally unclear tutorial, giving advice on what to grow, managing your hunger pains, and preparing you for the nightly raids, as Daddy ain’t happy.

Day Walker, Night Impaler

During the day(erm…vampire?) in Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire, Voltaire hovers around the outskirts of his property, shaking down plants for seeds to plant, water to help them grow, and then has to prepare the crops, without fainting through all that hard work.

Once done, Voltaire heads to his coffin for a quick nap, then rises at night in beast mode to defend his crops from Daddy’s armies. Hunger isn’t an issue here as he’s effectively invincible, though a pumpkin doesn’t have the same fortitude.

During the starting phases of Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire, it’s very frustrating as every action costs hunger. Get to 100% hunger, and you faint. I didn’t actually get to that stage, but deeply cared for my veggies, so gritted it out.

Plants replenish hunger, but they take a few days to grow, and during that night phase you can potentially lose them. Cue a few squeaky bum moments, though; as an overview, Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire is pretty easy and workable for casuals.

It’ll Grow On You

The resource management does take time initially, as the crops are scattered off-screen and there’s only one of you. Naturally, Voltaire is best at handling these raids with his melee attacks, projectiles, as well as familiars, and that’s complemented by basic defence towers and traps that can be placed before and during a raid.

This cycle mimics real life, and seven days equals a week. Math. Enemy numbers increase, though they are manageable with traps and defence foresight; on the seventh day, a boss appears that slowly heads towards your crops, allowing just enough time to take them out beforehand. Pending you develop those abilities.

Through crafting, recycling seeds and earning Soulstones that permanently level up Voltaire’s skill set – from movement speed to XP progression, through to crafting efficiency and reduced hunger. This adds a good depth to Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire, though you have to appreciate it takes a bit of time to reap the rewards.

After the boss is defeated, a portal will appear to take you to a new biome, though this is optional as it’s quite enjoyable to keep playing and grind those stats. Portals only appear every seven days, however, so if you’re experiencing a bad run, it takes a bit of time to undo it.

As Clear As Day

In addition, there are bonus stages like a carnival to earn more goodies, as well as an ominous Lovecraftian creature that surrounds the adjacent ponds who’ll give you some goodies, a witch for special stuff shows up here and there, and your uncles are also very accommodating of your new life as a vegan.

Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire is a pleasant game that’s quite engaging once you get into it. The tutorial was a little frustrating, however, as it drags and doesn’t acknowledge your actions. For instance, I was aware of the objectives, like planting a seed, but while doing this, I’d do my own thing and explore.

Once an objective is complete, a crow arrives with a reward and the next objective, though it will be something you’ll likely have already done, plus it isn’t always that clear what/how to do something, as the tutorial shows a video after you’ve done it.

Again, it’s nothing major, as Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire is pretty accessible and easy to understand once you’re in it, and it has that required hook of wanting to keep playing. The farming and levelling up are the highlights, as is the art style, though combat is a little spammy and easy.