Kickslaught Preview – This Football Idler Plays Like Baby Shark on Repeat

Kickslaught is a football-based (soccer, American friends) idler that has just been released on Steam via Early Access. From the title and screenshots, I was expecting Brutal Sports Football fused with Sensible Soccer. What I got was earworms and an ever-changing kit.

From RedenelGO, this idler has a nameless boy wonder perpetually running along a pitch, kicking a ball in the balls of lower-league players until reaching the top. This guy is so good, he doesn’t need 10 other players to support him. Even your role as a manager is extremely limited.

Picking the correct language is one of the most interactive bits of the game, besides swapping out their kit. Your player, erm… Scruffy, will waddle along like a Roblox character stifling a poo until they reach an oversized goalkeeper, a.k.a. the boss of each level.

Is That A New T-Shirt?

Before reaching the keeper, Scruffy will kill the ball at the other players until they explode in pixel confetti. The damage dealt will depend on the gear equipped and how heavily you invest in its stats. This includes a jersey, shorts, boots, wristband and ball.

Gear will drop several times during a match. Some are locked based on level, while others have special attributes like speed, defence or shot power. Additionally, kick in the teeth of a few players, and the gold awarded can be invested in more stats.

However, Kickslaught will have you swapping out your gear like a game of Borderlands. Sometimes the base stats are better; other times it has a better rarity. How this reflects on the game, though, is mostly irrelevant as there’s nothing in the way of a strategy.

I’m Going To Get Some Milk

I got beaten by the first Kickslaught keeper, then after that remained unscathed. Constantly levelling up the gear, which pauses the game, makes a difference, though I soon realised that levelling up all the gear in no particular order had the same effect. So, even as I write this, Scruffy is effortlessly levelling up.

There are seven leagues to run through, which are built up of ten matches following the same principles: watch as Scruffy kicks the ball at the other team, gradually earn XP, some gold to boost the stats, then defeat the keeper. This then repeats into the higher tiers.

Without any half-time oranges, intermissions from Tom Cruise or VAR to see how dirty Argentina are as a team, Kickslaught will just do its thing, all the while the same song plays on loop through every single league. If you want to imagine that, go to the Steam store page and listen to it again and again.

A League Of Its Own

It’s been quite a while since I picked up a football game, which is one of my favourite sports games. Kickslaught was never going to be one of those games, what with its nomad player and unconventional idler structure.

I’m glad I don’t have to give it a score, as it needs a lot of work for it to be something worth investing in. You might be able to get more response out of watching your plants grow, as it’s actually quite monotonous.

On the flipside, and to always give things a positive spin, 1: this is in Early Access. Perhaps there’ll be an overhaul. 2: RedenelGO’s other title, Cozy Liora, is significantly better, albeit a different type of game. Watch out for a summary of that coming soon. I’m now going to listen to Baby Shark to get the Kickslaught loop out of my head.