I Don’t Think You’re Ready For This Jelly: Slime Girl Smoothies Review

Serve up slimey cocktails fresh from the teet, Slime Girl Smoothies is out now for the Nintendo Switch.

Little research was conducted before taking on Slime Girl Smoothies. It’s from Eastasiasoft, so we’re in safe hands, right? Kind of. Far from a prude, I wasn’t quite expecting this, for a couple of reasons later explained, but it’s an interesting one that might quench your thirst for tits n’ booze.

The first surprise was the game type. Perhaps I’d overlooked the release info for the game, naively thinking this was a visual novel with a few bar skills thrown in. I’d say it’s more of a puzzle game with a fair amount of dialogue.

As a recently hired floor manager at Slimey’s bar, it’s your job to befriend your co-workers and help them serve up the drinks for Johnny Public. Your peers are all female, and each has been hired due to their bubbly personalities and far-from-hidden talents.

Slime Girl Smoothies switch Review - Minty
Mmm… minty. Source: Eastasiasoft

Slime Girl Smoothies Review (Switch)

Forget that amateur ping pong tosh – the bar staff in Slime Girl Smoothies pull some pints using their milk duds. I’m sorry… what?! Yep, surprise number two. While it was clear we’d see a little more than cleavage in this content, I had no idea that the mixologists in this game would sacrifice their bodies for their profession.

Sure, waiting on customers can take its toll, but more so on how they make the drinks. The girls will neck a potent cocktail that goes to their head in the tipsy sense, then into their babylons. They then shake up the contents and deliver a boobtastic mix for all to see and enjoy. Y’see, they’re translucent, too, so you get to see the production line without having to don a hard hat or hi-vis.

The artwork in Slime Girl Smoothies is decent, and the in-between story bits are voice-acted, albeit they’re a little sleepy in their delivery. Sexy though. If you’re into it. Once acquainted with the girls via some healthy flirtation and not-so-healthy absorption of alcohol, it’s time to get into the puzzle bit of the game.

Slime Girl Smoothies switch Review - Joy
Joy. Source: Eastasiasoft


I believe you kids call this type of thing a match-3. For the less informed, that means you have a Tetris-like play area to match up elements to produce a cocktail. On the right of the screen will be the bartender, along with the ingredients required. Behind her is a legend that indicates what you need to meet the requirements.

Once an ingredient is selected, you combine that with another item, creating the drink the customer has asked for. There’s no urgency with this part of Slime Girl Smoothies – like Tetris, for example, or the recent Dr Fetus Meat Mean Machine. However, at the start of the game, there was not much room to work with the elements, and I found myself restarting the stage repeatedly until I could manage things better.

Emphasis is on placing the right components together without trying to steamroll through, and it starts to pay off. Later in the game, you’ll unlock new ways to ‘drop in’ ingredients that make it much easier and enjoyable. Admittedly, it wasn’t so much fun at first – it was a little like The Red Strings Club, but it eventually got better. Additionally, there are loads of galleries to unlock, much like Shady Corner Games’ other title, Marble Maid.


Replayability will stem from getting hi-scores and unlocking the delicious artwork, pending you can swallow the slow loading times. Overall though, Slime Girl Smoothies is an interesting game; just be careful who you play in front of.

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