Here’s an insult: Oh…Sir!! The Insult Simulator is like pulling teeth. Blunt, but let me save you the pennies – even if it is a cheap game. I bought this game with my hard-earned pennies, so included in that price is the right to give an honest opinion (I’d give an honest opinion if I got the game for free).
Every now and then, I binge on the Nintendo eShop and snap up a bundle of games on sale. When I have something to play, I have something to also write about. Quality always precedes quantity, but I’ve found so many decent games that are often less than a quid, that I like to chance it and buy in bulk. Maddening Euphoria, One Strike, The Office Quest – these are all super cheap games that are worth so much more than I paid for them (though I’m not complaining about the price I paid). Oh…Sir!! The Insult Simulator doesn’t fit into that category.
To be fair, the concept is a fun one: be granted a pool of words or sentences to combine into a somewhat offensive attack on your opponent. It’s a turn-based approach where after choosing your character, spar it out with another in the aim of knocking down their energy bar to win the verbal onslaught. In the middle of the screen is a random selection of words, and you each take turns to select one to build a sentence. When you’re good to go, you can end the round with an exclamation mark, or the last word will already have one attached. The damage (i.e. point scoring) is entirely at the discretion of the developers. Maybe individual letters have a point system as there’s no logical explanation for “A lumberjack and your face act like your country!”. It’s hardly the equivalent of a tiger uppercut.
Your Parents Drew A Circle Around Your Mouth, So They Didn’t Feed Your Arse
Your opponent will likely choose the word or phrase you wanted to use next. There is the option to have a cup of tea and have two unique options only you can choose – using L or R to select. If you attempt to string any old thing together, you’ll get a grammar warning and docked health. So why does “Your math teacher was angry mob!” work grammatically and also as an insult? This is perhaps the biggest flaw of the game, which is kind of fundamental as it’s the whole purpose of winning.
Think of it another way. Did you ever try typing into your computer to get it to repeat a word or phrase? Come on – everyone must have done it. My first one experience was typing in The Terminator quotes for my – you guessed it – Amiga to repeat. It was funny at the time as the phrases were coherent and had some context. While the voice acting here isn’t bad, you can tell that the actors were given separate lines to say as the diction is all over the place. What makes this worse is the actual insults as they just don’t make any sense half the time and if they do, roasting my cousin’s car isn’t really going to have me quaking.
It’s not all bad though as the character models are actually pretty good. The developers clearly were influenced by Monty Python throughout – even the tutorial begins with John Cleese’s PTI and a bunch of bananas on the table, plus a scene featuring a dead parrot. It works for Monty Python, but it’s like having The Fast Show or Big Train mimicking the joke. It doesn’t work – it’s not their material and comedians seldom do a ‘cover’ of other artists work.
Your Mum’s A Whore
So, the game is basically just that – insult the other person to win the match. I’m okay with that, that’s what I paid for. However, the key ingredients: insults and humour, appear to have been omitted from the game. There are other characters to unlock and new locations, but I couldn’t really bear sticking with it. In the improbable event that the dialogue was re-written, this could have worked (and could possibly be fixed?). The concept isn’t broken, nor is the presentation – there just needs to be a better variety. I gave this to my 9-year-old daughter to try, thinking she’d chuckle at some of the fart references in it. Instead, she got really frustrated as she said it didn’t make sense and was making grammatical errors in the game purely through lack of options. Enough said.
Disclaimer: A Monty Python fan, lover of wit but also a big fan of toilet humour, I just couldn’t get any fun or sense out of Oh…Sir!! The Insult Simulator. My understanding of the game was that I could make up some simple sentences that made me and my friends/family chuckle – even the bad ones. Instead, the majority of the time, we were trying to decipher how we could construct a sentence – let alone one that resulted in an insult.
For now, I would suggest that you stick to Street Fighter II, One Strike – even Kiai Resonance over this. Alternatively, I’d suggest scrapping this entirely and get yourself something that prides itself on being incoherent, but actually making sense. More importantly, fun! Check out Incohearant from Firebox, and no, I’m not an affiliate or kissing their secretary’s toes – it’s just a recommendation as opposed to this pile of crap. That’s an insult.