Vulgar Knight

Just Die Already Is A Radical Blueprint For The Elderly

Fresh off the tail of Poopdie Chapter One, another title I saw advertised on PewDiePie’s channel a month or so ago was a game called Just Die Already – an incoherent sandbox of geriatric violence.

As part of the Steam Summer Festival, I downloaded the demo, let it fester for a bit and then gave it a run-through. To say that the elderly are frail is an understatement in this game as clipping a wall, or jumping up to the ceiling ends in a dismembered body or decapitation.

But don’t let that stop you. An animated stump with one arm and one leg, with a fountain of blood pouring out from where a head once was continues to hop around the levels looking for aggro.

In the near future, people aren’t bumping uglies as much, and as a result, there isn’t funding to keep the old folk ticking

The concept is mad as a bag of otters as you need to perform a variety of challenges to unlock your ticket to retirement paradise. There isn’t funding to keep the old folk ticking, so they have to take matters into their own hands.

This means performing insane stunts that you could do in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater, only you don’t use a skateboard and instead do ollies with your face.

Just Die Already - Headless
Source: Screen capture

Also on demand are weapons that Cryptosporidium 137 would take a shining to that can be acquired from a vending machine. However, you can only access these if you’ve already completed the appropriate challenge.

Pressing the default ‘C’ key, the challenge book opens up, detailing ways to put your ageing character through the motions and unlock new goodies. There’s a good variety of tasks to do, ranging from starting fires to electrocuting yourself.

As for the controls, it’s as mad as the concept. Just Die Already is a physics-based game and developers DoubleMoose – also behind Animal Super Squad, so expect a lot of rag dolling (intentionally), and an equal measure of splatter. It’s a gorefest of a game.

Looking to get a nomination for the Parent of the Year Award, I played this with my 10-year old daughter. Despite her reservations of it being gross, she was promptly playing around in this deadly sandbox, goading every single pedestrian she came across., often resulting in her being beaten.

It gave me a few minutes to jot down some notes, but every few seconds I was looking up at the screen to see what she was laughing about, as her crusty old carcass ricocheted across the screen.

We didn’t play it that long to be honest, as she was getting frustrated with being killed all the time, but that would be countered when she was able to inflict some damage on an NPC by luring them into the road, only to get hit by two, sometimes three consecutive cars.

Just Die Already - Boomer
Source: Screen capture

Despite sharing some time killing old people, we played the game as a single-player event. The full game is up to four other players, all looking to get one over the other to come out on top in the retirement programme.

The game did feel a bit choppy in places, but that could just have been due to the physics being so flexible (unintentional) as Just Die Already plays like a proper sandbox of discovery. That means hidden paths, and more than one way to skin a cat. Or decapitate an old person.

Could this be the stand-in for Gang Beasts when it comes to multiplayer?

The physics are undoubtedly different and much more predictable when it comes to controlling the characters, so it could be one to watch.

Judging from the info currently showing on its Steam PageJust Die Already is due for release in the Summer, so that should hopefully be this month. More to follow in due course. 

I need to take a break as writing this with a drink in hand makes me realise I’ve not been giving this post much thought at all. Must be an age thing. Note to self: don’t jump at the ceiling in fear of losing my head.

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