Castle Flipper Review: Where’s My Rent?

It didn't take long to establish my kingdom then to milk the peasants for rent. Here's my Castle Flipper review - out now on Steam (the game, not the review).

Castle Flipper isn’t simply a medieval House Flipper. Not everything is black and white, but it’s fair to make that initial assumption as it shares many of those traits.

The first difference, if you’re wondering, is you aren’t flipping off castles, nor are you flipping them like its predecessor. You will be able to build them from scratch, however, and instead of cashing in on a sale for a tidy profit, you’ll get a nice steady income by renting your property out.

House Flipper has been a go-to title for many over the lockdown period. It’s that chill factor of not having to worry about time limits, deadly bosses or ensuring you have the best deck to rule them all. Castle Flipper, developed by Pyramid Games, shares that same ‘chill element’, but understandably, it’s a little more restrictive.

First off, where do you hang the 55-inch plasma? If you skipped school and a bit of a dunce, medieval times didn’t have electricity, so you’re restricted to dung towers, oil paintings and the sight of a cow’s arse. Lighting does maketh the mood, however, and the candle lighting does a good job.

Castle Flipper Review – PC Via Steam

You’re going to love the intro to the game: your grandfather has left you their estate… is this cliche or what? It doesn’t matter. Basically, you’ve acquired a bit of land, and before you can start building your ‘kingdom’, you have to run a few errands to learn some skills and some moolah in the process.

Castle Flipper - Cozy
Cozy. Source: Screen capture

The approach is familiar: some wench has been living it up, smashed a few kegs and ceramics, and you have to go clear it up and mop away the claret. There’s something strangely therapeutic in picking up broken vases and pushing a brush back and forth on the dirt to make it clean again…

You’ll also pick up large debris to PolyFil the gaps as if each castle has undergone a siege makeover. It’s all good fun, and despite the gloomy palette, a peasant experience. Geddit? Peasant. Nah?

Each quest you complete earns you the pennies to kit out your land and invest in a few new skills. For the latter, this includes a scanner and being able to carry more stuff at one time. As this is ‘the olden times’, they didn’t have GPS, but press the Z key, and you’ll scan the area for any garbage or gear that needs repairing (pending you’ve levelled up.

Welcome To My Kingdom

As for your kingdom, this is where Castle Flipper excels. Unlike purchasing a house to do up in House Flipper, here you have a steadily growing plot where you can place the foundations, walls, doors, windows and roof. It’s a bit of an arcadey approach or like a Scandanavian self-build as you simply click an area and it builds – no dicking about with silly QTE elements.

Castle Flipper - Client list
Client list. Source: Screen capture

That’s something that works in Castle Flipper’s favour – the QTE. Aside from the hammering of nails, there’s no intricate building in the game with mini-game type activities. If it’s in your inventory, you select it, then place it.

I picked up House Flipper reasonably late, so most of the improvements were already in place. As Castle Flipper is brand spanking new, a few nails are sticking out that need hammering back in. There’s a level, in particular, that was a royal pain: Frozen Fortress. It seemed like the game was glitched, but just a design choice that meant replaying half a dozen times. Look in the snow for clues…

That doesn’t include the new addition of chests containing money or the notes scattered about the levels if you’re a completionist. I’m one of the latter types. Seeking everything in a level is my aim, but levels like the one mentioned above were incredibly frustrating when you only have to complete one or two objectives to move forward.

Re-E-Wind, When The Crowd Say Bo-Selecta

While we’re having a whinge, you can’t replay levels for extra money. This proved quite frustrating if you expensive tastes and want to gut your castle out with mink walls – there’s simply not enough dough. Instead, you have to build smaller homes and rent them out to make money.

A note on replaying levels, I assumed others would struggle with the Frozen Fortress level, so went to record it for YouTube but instead had to restart the game… Help me out with some likes and subscribes. You knows I loves ya.

Anyway… When building a home on your plot, you simply press R for a list of three potential tenants and their demands. As long as the property has a roof, door, and windows, all you need to do is cater to their requirements: several closets (cupboards for you Brits), a bed (divas), and maybe the size of the property. 

Coming back to where Castle Flipper shines is this element. On this basis, it can take a bit more time in the ‘endgame’ – especially as you can’t replay levels for more moolah. I didn’t find this that much of a stretch, though, but not as fast as flipping a home.

Much like House Flipper, again, Castle Flipper is so indulgent and relaxing. Sure, you can complete all the quest in a couple of hours once you know how, but the game unlocks as you create new wings for your other half – a la everyone’s favourite Scientologist Tom Cruise, and rip up the skyline with towering… erm… towers.

Castle Flipper Review Summary

Again, this isn’t a House Flipper medieval DLC; it’s a standalone in itself with many quality of life improvements. It’s much easier to clean, build and destroy, but you understandly have less creative freedom due to the era. That’s no reflection of the game; take out your beef with history. Do I recommend it? Yes, especially if you liked the modern-day variation. It’s the closest you can get to medieval times without catching the plague.